Many cities across the nation begat the origins of Black life near and around railroad tracks adjoining the spic and span of downtown locales, where whole generations jockeyed for position, and staked out livelihoods that colored canvases using hues that are exemplified earlier in this essay. Know that the generation you’re living in as you read this essay is nothing like what you experienced if you’re a Baby Boomer like me. A baby boomer is a person who was born during the demographic Post-World War II baby boom era, and the term itself is sometimes used in a cultural context. However, I’m using it here to illustrate differences and drawing parallel to changes that occurred back in the day as opposed to what’s happening now. In general though, baby boomers are usually associated with a rejection or redefinition of traditional values. So much so that many people have disputed the extent of that rejection, noting the widespread continuity of values with older and younger generations are varied and are allowing changes to truly broaden new sensibilities and other acquired habits to institutionalize a way of life. My, how times have changed! And it is that specific quality of life that I harken back to that has me reminiscing and longing for this generation to snap out of it.

Where is that village that raised me? Can I borrow the chinaberry bush switch that I had to clear the leaves off of so that my whipping would be complete…or perhaps turn back the hands of time, snatch some of what Big Mama preached, and give it to today’s youngsters? What is it that has parenting taking a back seat to taking control of their households? Back in the day there was a strong sense of togetherness in our society. The streets weren’t mean and malicious ready to swallow you up with every wrong turn you took. There were no hard-scale robberies, and petty theft were no more ‘grand‘ than taking money out of our mama’s pocketbook (which surely made you stand front and center with that chinaberry switch!). We looked out for each other and respected the elderly. You didn’t dare let Miss Sally (who always sat on the porch with good vantage points and saw EVERYTHING) catch you doing anything out of the way. If word got back to mama and daddy you HAD to confess, even if it wasn’t the way it actually happened ‘lest you ran the risk of calling Miss Sally a liar. Along with that, it would be unforgivable for someone of any age to walk in front of someone’s house, and if they were sitting out front (like Miss Sally always did), and you not wave and ask how they were doing. Moreover, you did not pass anyone on the street without speaking, especially if it was an elder…and if you were addressed by them you were expected to respond by saying ‘yes ma’am and no sir’ . Every responsible adult had the right, and were expected to chastise you and you knew when you got home you had another one coming! Everybody helped everybody, no one went hungry and we weren’t poor by any stretch of the imagination.

My heart is heavy and my mind hurts just observing what I see in today’s society. You have babies raising babies where girls are getting pregnant at such early ages. There are no more ‘Big Mama’s. They are all in the clubs, quite a bit of them in the 35-40 age range. There seems to be more one-parent households where the fathers have all but disappeared. Mothers are raising boys in matriarchal families and girls are not being taught the ways of men by their daddies. Social mores have eradicated with the softening and graying of gender awareness. It is the bi-curious nature that have homosexual tendencies running rampart, complete with androgynous personas with females especially wanting to be, and adhering to male dominances. I remember being taught to respect females and the attributes of chivalry. I felt for my sister and the sisters of my friends if and when they got out of line wanting to be more than what was taught that a respectable girl should embody. I know for a fact that girls back then were much harder to get than the ones I see in this generation!  Church took on a life of its own. There was no such thing as you not going to church…not only did you go, but you were expected to be an active part of it, not like today where you see young folk leaving it in droves. Teens and young adults are not staying put to differ between being religious as opposed to embracing spirituality to perfect that quality of living I spoke of earlier. We had a few pimps, mind you…and prostitution wasn’t hidden, but today the new-fangled pimps are bold beyond measure — you have them ascending pulpits!   They’re continually leading God’s people astray with false prophetic views, albeit while proving that church is big business worthy of having a megachurch mentality.

Yes, I’m in search of that village that raised me. I want prayer and discipline back in the public school systems; I pray that every Black man change their selfish ways searching their souls and be accountable for loving their wives, embracing their children and bolstering their communities. I need for more women to stop taking the flak that men come up with just to get what they want…in other words ladies, close the candy shop and let them earn the goodies like my father and his father before him did. There are several other things that I’d like to see the village of today incorporate into their lives: I want our communities to stop being disenfranchised and exploited by people of other persuasions that don’t respect us. I want us to form more meaningful coalitions, love each other more, and learn how to better play the 21-century game of  social responsibility and be ‘game changers’. That of advancing to the next level of personal and professional success, unleashing the greatness that lies within. Meanwhile, I will continue to search for my ‘village’ and teach those willing to listen!

The horror stories penetrated every domestic newspaper across the nation and predominantly to all Haitian radio stations, newspapers, and discourse. Through my church and community organizations, I met some of the victims and the nightmare became real in nature and surreal in scope.  As a clerk working cases and pulling files at Immigration I was able to meet the lawyers and community activists that heralded their causes and lambasted the U.S. government because of an unfair foreign policy dealing with Haitians attempting to enter our shores. There was total anarchy in Haiti.  Brutal savages murdered and tortured their own people. They held the country hostage. Thousands of Haitians flooded the shores of South Florida to escape. Many Haitian refugees reached shore, others faced detention, several sent back to Haiti, and some did not make it at all and died at sea. I would spend the remainder of my years fighting for the Haitian refugees that survived, and the past ten years of my life traveling to Haiti to educate the children so that Haiti’s future would not resemble its past. While working at a frenetic pace at Immigration, I attended community meetings with leaders and lawyers, advocated my opinion in several journalistic efforts from the writings I submitted and spoke before the Miami-Dade school board. Through local protests and speaking before student organizations, I wrote letters to Congressional representatives and anyone else who would listen. I frequently visited Haitian refugees detained at the Krome Detention Center and held citizenship drives. I also worked with Catholic Community Services of Miami to assist Haitian refugees released from Guantanamo Bay with transition to life in America. All of this, mind you, as a conflict of interest while working for the government!

However, the nightmare continued for people left in Haiti. During this period of turmoil and atrocities, I discovered my identity. It was advocating for youth of this generation helping to bolster self-esteem. My goal was to help them gain both written and oral communicative skill so that they could have determination projecting confidence in themselves. I marveled at a people who never lost the courage to make their plight better. I saw resilience and determination from a different perspective. They never gave up. They risked their lives to fight for freedom from tyranny, and I wanted to give something back to them.  For those who hoped for a better life, they bravely faced the open sea in shabby boats and overcrowded vessels knowing their chances of survival were slim. Before this era, I was able to get a first hand look at Haitian life and culture when I fell in love and married a beautiful Haitian woman. Danielle Desir was a darling and gave me further wherewithal to help her and her people. I was able to see the stigma and prejudices that the average American bestowed on them. I witnessed when asked about their background how they would simply lie and say most anything other than where they truly hailed from, to keep from being ridiculed and slandered. Throughout my subsequent years as a youth worker and mentor, it was my prerogative to teach them that they were descendants of a great people whose strength, defiance and courage have enabled their survival despite overwhelming struggles throughout history. In September 2005, I met another brilliant young lady, Haiti-born Gueter Aurelien, with ambition and drive who with the support of her parents, established a prestigious education Academy in Haiti, and one here in America. She explained to me the importance of her goals for doing so, believing that the foundation of a nation’s future is the education of its children. Later on I was instrumental in giving consultation to achieve accreditation for a new school project in Miami.

Despite the success of the school and the promising future of one my own child of Haitian descent, I discovered that the massacres of the previous decades, and now the tragic aftermath of a massive earthquake, it has left a lasting impression and has seemingly altered the minds of the people and of myself.  In Haiti, there is widespread belief that life does not matter because massive human rights violations and senseless crimes have been committed without investigation or judgment…and even with a nation fighting for survival there is hope.  For a nation that fought fearlessly for liberty over two hundred years ago, being the first predominantly Black nation in the Western hemisphere to gain independence, people should refrain from giving up on this nation. Haiti will rise just like the legendary Phoenix!  Many Haitians living in Haiti and abroad are capable of making tremendous changes, but the fear crime and corruption takes a back seat to rebuilding a nation.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Due to my consultation and immediate assistance working with Aurelien in Haiti, many children have a well-rounded education and hope for a future. Of this I’m most proudest. I’ve witnessed first and foremost how she taught her staff, families and the people she encountered that their life had purpose. Of course, I couldn’t remain silent myself!

Even if you have never met a Haitian or know little of the country or culture, remind yourself that as God’s children, “we are all Haitians.” There is a popular expression in Creole — Dieu donne, which literally means ‘God gives’. For decades, we have witnessed Haitians endure unfair prejudices, ridicule and abject discrimination of the worst kind, especially from our own U.S. government with their ridiculous ‘wet foot, dry foot’ policy. And while on this subject of unfair policies, the resumption of deportations to Haiti revives a senseless and inhumane policy that needs eradication. We all know about the aforementioned prejudices where Haitians were discriminated against by double standards that didn’t allow the benefits afforded other nationals. I surmise that the deportations should be halted, at least until the new Haitian government can guarantee improvement regain stability. Notwithstanding, the Obama government should find it not robbery to consider granting deferred action and stays of removal for all Haitians based on the humanitarian crisis in that country. It’s the right thing to do. Respect not only is due, but demanded from all of us who feel that parity should not be on condition of the color of one’s skin. Our mantra should be to make Haiti apparent to the potential that has always hers since becoming the only Black nation to win independence, If the goals are to make this a winnable situation, playing a role in the recovery method should be on everyone’s mind to not forget those that need help the most. Not only is it daunting, but in my mind achievable to help staunch Haiti’s race against time. I will continually ask all able-bodied Americans, especially those that look like me to do God’s bidding and give any way you can. The silver lining is that the world has a chance to make Haiti right and turn the tables on America’s racist Immigration policy toward a positive gain for people of color looking for a new lease on life. It must be rebuilt correctly — and it can be done only if we all pull together and do all that we can to help because to sit by idly and not care, is a sure epithet to misfortune that may be yours someday.

Through careful implementation of law and the establishment of a responsible framework for international involvement, it is possible to alleviate Haiti’s perilous and bleak condition. Great achievement requires more than vision and willingness, proficiency and collaboration are the catalysts that transform dreams into reality. I am on a journey of a thousand miles, and it is time to take another step. I envision a winding unpaved road, like those found throughout Haiti. I walk steadily and I am not alone.  A multitude follows me, and I must prepare to lead the way. Give hope a chance by remembering your brothers and sisters! The world is on notice and many have stood, reached out and opened their alms, but my steps have begun anew for my journey of a thousand miles! Won’t you join me?

How best CAN we love one another?  Are we then, truly our brother’s keeper? Both of these questions can be answered with due diligence, with the latter befitting from a resounding YES! We ARE our brother’s keeper in more ways than one. The saga of Cain and Abel best illuminates the lack of love and disobedience early enough in our existence for us to have studied and understand the ramification of not doing what we should have done for redemption. Cain failed miserably. He was rejected by God and it made him furious. How often in life when we are rejected for whatever reason resort to violence, be it for lack of love or lack of logic? I will refer back to this ‘Cain spirit’  a bit. Why did Cain murder Abel, and what does it have to do with living by the law of love? He did it because he was jealous, had an evil heart and the wrong attitude. Abel’s goodness and good instinct to obey God exposed Cain’s wickedness. Moreover, he resented Abel’s benevolence and waited for the opportunity to slay his brother. Cain’s reaction can be looked at as a barometer measuring his attitude…probably wrong from the start. The choice was his to correct — first by changing his attitude about the sacrifice that God commanded, or he could channel his anger elsewhere. Unfortunately he chose the wrong one, and is a clear reminder of how often we err in the face of righteousness, and do things counter to thus sayeth the Lord. We’re aware of the opposite choices but intentionally choose more often than not the things that cause ruination.

The real law of love is all about Agape mentality and has no room for good intent, especially without the right motivation to sacrifice right in lieu of wrong. Agape love in my opinion is true love at its core and the Christian’s DNA, a process proving that you belong to God. It’s about the feelings motivating our behavior with the love of God firmly in place without compromise and with a lot of compassion. The Bible and God’s directives are filled with general guidelines and expectations for us to live the law of love by obedience and actually asking for His help to do what is right. Making the right decision, and following through on proper protocol will undoubtedly give us what is needed to set in motion sacrifices to live by the law of love!

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What about the children?

Our goals as parents and responsible adults are to be steadfast in our intent to do well by them and give them all that is needed to extrapolate and expand to higher aspirations. God continues to inspire all of us and that inspiration is not limited to us older folk. It comes in all ages and our children have voices that need to be heard. Our children are the cornerstones of future endeavors…they should be able to exact what we give them as learning operatives so that when we get old what we trained them to do will manifest (their) destiny. So as we prosper, as we go about doing the things that we do, we would behoove ourselves to hear what they have to say.  As we hug them close we will remember what Pastor Jones says about being full of vision with purpose.

My question to you for further discussion is for the desired purpose of addressing the need for us to continue our spiritual walk with them. Do you feel school systems, both public and private are doing enough to give our children what is needed to be ready for the world? What about the churches…are they being instrumental in teaching beyond ecclesiastical tenets? Give them a chance to see how teachable they are, how honest they are about their feelings and expressionisms. And finally, what do YOU think should be the most important thing that our children should be learning?  Yolanda Adams – What About The Children

Dare to Fly and Soar Like an Eagle

How faithful you are to Divine order will spell the difference between success and failure. “I believe I can fly” the song says…if you truly believe that you CAN, you will! It’s amazing to me how much we can learn from animals. Existing with them in this world has allowed us to be cognizant of their habits and the essence of their presence.

Many places in the Bible there are references to animals, i.e., snakes, sheep, doves, a donkey, etc. My favorite, bar none, is the eagle! Why the eagle? In Isaiah we are told that “if we trust in the Lord we would find new strength and fly high like eagles”…well, let’s see how we can be faithful in doing this as it pertain to our choice on becoming the best authors that we can be. I would like to share some characteristics of eagles that we, both as believers and as astute caretakers of applying words to illustrate our stories can be definitive.

The first thing you learn about eagles is the fact that they have keen eyesight, they are powerful and impeccable hunters, and they are ever mindful of their prey or enemies. For lack of a better choice of words, do you know who YOUR adversaries are in the publishing world? Who is it, or what circumstance(s) that may have kept you from impressing that acquisition editor or that specific publishing house that you aspired to join? Paul in Ephesus had a unique problem and warned the Ephesians that enemies are NOT flesh and blood, but are ‘spiritual.’

Now, stop and think about that for a moment. If our enemies are not of the human variety, then what significance does the spiritual have to do with writing a book or satisfying our muse? I’m led to believe that anything spiritual could embody that which is unseen but has jurisdiction on what we do, how we do it and to what affect thereof. I will take it a little further by saying that we definitely need keen spiritual eyesight to discern the plans and agenda of Satan as he tries to thwart our best intentions. Our ‘enemies’ may not be what we fathom an enemy to be in the form of lions, tigers or bears, but they are dangerous and destructive in their own right.

Secondly, eagles build their aeries high up beyond human reach. Mind now, our nests where our visions and dreams are waiting to be born should also be high. But are they? We persist well within the reach of anyone willing to do us harm. Again, we can learn a lot about eagles!

Your ‘home’, or that which you’d want to claim as your ultimate domain must not be so trivial that you place it so low that would allow people to trample on your goals…by people who may not be in the same lane as you are running your race to the literary finish line. To succeed and be successful in anything we write must be thought of in idealistic terms as big and soaring high. Oh yes, we can fly only if we think we can. You must not be so prideful and let your ego tell you otherwise, and not think of yourselves more highly than you should.

God said use humility to guide you to be as humble as it take to be rewarded. Our personal journeys to transcend to lofty heights in our goals to become successful authors should predicate all that Isaiah intones in the scripture. It’s no accident that it’s one of the most popular verses in the bible, used extensively in Christian circles, reflective of people’s desires to live lives of significance, full of physical health, emotional fortitude, spiritual strength…but it can also be effective outside of ecclesiastical verve. As we write our stories and live outside of our imagery we cannot afford to ignore the promises God espoused in this verse. I feel that our immediate future will always be bright with promise and hope of affluence, respect and personal gain if we dare to fly and soar like eagles.

My main purpose here is to remind you how focused and absolute we should be to write exponentially and with confidence despite the ills that surround the literary diaspora. Reach for the stars and be able to land among those that have already tasted success to have the same mindset collectively. I’ve met quite a few people of late who cannot get off the ground, and those that have good intent but are not preparing their wings to negotiate the draft to soar. They are distracted and lack the stamina to pursue and maintain great heights. I’m sure you know a few yourself.

As mention earlier, eagles have great vision for peripheral insight; they can see great distances. We too, must be able to see beyond what’s on the surface of our literary lives…we must be resilient and resplendent in how we wear the raiment of God’s inner clothing. Another interesting fact about eagles is the fact that they do not eat dead meat! Unlike other animals or birds they do not eat what they do not kill…in other words they are not scavenger birds feeding off of other birds but hunt for their own food. What does that have to do with anything, you ask? Simple. It means that the writer in you must not be lazy and be alert enough to embrace the rudiments of good research; be quite content to ride on the dreams and visions of your own and not steal the dreams and visions of others. The prerequisite to develop your own story is a must!

As I close this piece, I’m reminded of how the promises of God is incumbent on us realizing that in us He gave a blueprint for success and how to get there. I can’t help repeating this: on the wings of eagles He said that we should “wait upon the Lord, shall renew our strength; we shall mount up with wings like eagles, that we shall run and not be weary; and walk and not faint.” What profound words of wisdom are these!

No one said it would be easy where writing would be a natural course to traverse without trial and error, without a little trauma somewhere along the way…without what is necessary to trudge on and let indelible ink flow the way it should once we persevere. What would it take to build legacies, and hope for a future that is composed in pipe dreams and hopes for a better book? It is to be committed to the the wherewithal to go as high as we can for faith to guide us. I implore us all to think about how strong, powerful and relentless eagles are, and strive to mount up on the wings of those great avian creatures propelling ourselves to new heights. What then are YOU doing to fly and soar like eagles?

If life can be akin to a race, it’s my opinion that it would be a marathon as opposed to a sprint. Life is too short to just race for speed. It’s all about endurance and pacing oneself to deal with the stamina needed to live a good life. Racing toward a goal or having aspirations of being the best you can is not uncommon in a common world full of iniquity where scales are not balanced for all things good.

We’re all sinners and have fallen short of God’s dictates that He commanded. Thus, there are many other analogies we can point to remind us that it’s not what race you’re running, but how you run the race. And then again, it may not be all about winning. The keys is FINISHING the race has more merit. Imagine yourself in the starting blocks in the race of your life. Your head is up and poised looking ahead to the finish line. You’re seemingly focused on the starter’s gun hoping not to render a false start. You’re in your own lane knowing that to cross the line into another there’s the possibility of disqualification. The gun goes off and you’re off!

Such is the life of a competitor with one goal in mind –  crossing the finish line realizing the victory you think is yours. Such is the life that we all place ourselves in competing for a chance to win at all costs. But think about the type of race that has to be run for you to achieve those goals. I ask you — what type of race are you really running? Are you in a short race just looking for a quick fix to your problems, or would a longer race be to your benefit. Marathons are such that they test your staying power. Are you in the right lanes, though…how are you living?

Before I can extract answers from you, I had to assess the questions for myself and give an account on a personal level. I’ve come to realize that competing in any race only one (runner) will receive the ultimate prize, and that to truly win there’s a lot to be said about HOW you run that race. The gist of this essay is giving examples of how we should run using disciplines to achieve success. How easy (or difficult) is it for us to actually stay in our lanes? Can we finish a course to stick and stay no matter what the consequences? None of this can be accomplished without God in our lives, and certainly not without a regimented plan for redeeming value. Below is my version of how a good race is to be run for the sole purpose of staying steadfast to a regimen for righteous living,

The starting blocks

It starts here. I honestly feel that the reason people have so much problems in their lives is due to the fact that they don’t start out right. They want to be competitive and be in so much of a win win situation that they forget about what it takes to persevere. In this day and time there are obstacles and stumbling blocks all around us. Our economy is in shambles and people are living day to day from paycheck to paycheck trying to make ends meet and sometimes Peter is not in place to rob to pay Paul. You have alreday identified the problematic issues that are plaguing you in your life. You know that to be competitive in the world you need your own space and a sense of worth in it. You see your friends in all types of different light…some are prolific and producing; others are struggling just like you, but may have a few more materialistic things that from the surface looks like something you should have. They’re all in a race against time, a race that has to be run to justify a chance to belong to something good — a win! It would be a chance to perhaps for it to be a stepping stone of promise.

The genesis and key to any race is how you start it. Most prominent people can trace their successes to how and what they were taught as youngsters and how well they assimilated the information. Then there are the applicable measures where they were able to test what they learned. Such is the case when a runner steps in starting places for the race. You have to train and prepare yourself for the battle. You have to be in shape. Being in shape means that bible study is part of your regimen; that having an astute relationship with God where you can talk to Him about anything; that staying the course to bolster your work to build the Kingdom — all of these are solutions to help you start off right. These are the things that will not only keep you battle tested, but par for your course.

I think one of the major maladies in our lives as it pertain to preparation is not having the right frame of mind to allow confidence to play a monumental role in galvanizing the will to win. This is where faith initiatives come in, the innate belief that no matter what, God is going to see you through because He got your back! When you come to the starting blocks already know that you are where you supposed to be and that you’ve done what you had to do to get to this point, and finally that the lane assigned to you will be yours to claim for victory. If you’ve determined that the type of race you’re going to run is a marathon or a long distance race then half the battle is already won. Let’s hope that you took the high road and decided that you wanted to take life seriously enough to allow time to be the better barometer to gauge your progress.

During the race

Now that you’ve bolted out of the blocks, you’re looking down the lane oblivious to the person on either side of you because you are jockeying for position. It’s a long race (just like in life) and you need stability to insure a sense of continuity.  Anybody that knows anything about running a race knows that a fast start is essential and that the first 200-500 yards sets the pace in a race for distance. But quite a few things in that time frame will say a lot on how you finish, and how valuable the finish line will be for you — whether you win or lose.

Now that you’ve done what needed to be done and you’re in the best shape you can be in, the spirit within you will take over as you stride for momentum. Your main thought should be do you have enough to be viable, to be visible and to be validated. You would want to allow self, family and community to be the pillars of your strength. Your life will be predicated on values deep within that you can pull forth to identify yourself with dong the right things to be good role models, Your familial order will be in good stead because you will teach your children and train them up with good biblical scripture and your communal order will be to attend church and let it be the rock of congregational coherenece. But of course you know you need to stay in your lane and mind your own business. It’s during the race that all of these things play out to justify the finish.

Approaching the finish line, and life beyond it

The preparation for the final call is where God will call us all before Him to give account for our lives. How well we have lived, or rather, how well we have run the race of life will determine our fate.  All thoroughout that race of life you have been holding the virgil and have had the type of stamina to be in position to cross the finish line. But before we get there, one will have to have claimed Jesus as their personal Saviour to make their election and calling surest. All of us want to be in that number, but to get there our lives must be pristine and our souls cleansed enough to pass God’s omnipotence.

I will always contemplate and even debate whether we know that in a race all runners compete, but few truly finish to live a good li
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beyond it. It’s imperative that we understand Satan’s role in stopping you from running that perfect race. He will do most anything to throw wrenches into any progress made. Many of the challenges that come our way in life are simply distractions that he creates to try to lure us from our destiny. Living life beyond the finish line means that every precaution to be a winner must be exercised to maintain balance for sustained spirituality. Every day there will be tests where the wherewithal to get upset is greatest—maybe someone is poking, or a competitor is running our of their lane, or someone is backstabbing and fueling the rumor mill. When any of this happens, dismissing all of it and donning the armor of humility is the best course. Think how Jesus would handle it. How would you benefit from actually doing the right thing?

The reason many people are missing out on God’s best by not running good and better races can be attributed to misdirections and distractions in running the type of races that would find them running out of gas before reaching the finish line. I would behoove you to choose to keep your focus and attention on becoming more like Jesus so you can fulfill the destiny He has prepared for you! Refocus and rededicate your life to live one that has meaning and longevity. Say that you are determined to overlook offenses and choose your battles wisely, and that you will run the race you have set before yourself with purpose so you can lay hold of the prize God has for you. Remember, it’s not whether you win or lose but how you run the race for the longer haul!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Avin C. Romer hails from Miami, but the African-American Diaspora is his stage. He brings a passion for books and a lifelong enthusiasm in promoting African-American readership and the adherence to family literary. Alvin is a freelance writer, and a Research Analyst. You can find Alvin online a TheRomerReview.com and his blog, VERBATIM!

He is one of the contributors in the anthology, The Soul of a Man.

Sometimes you are just confused as to whether you really love the person you are dating or it is mere attraction, and it is difficult to make a decision. Questions abound and you don’t know how can you be so sure that you’ve picked the right one? Well, the first thing that should be done is ask yourself why you have the love for the person you’re with? A better understanding of your heart and what it says should not be understated. For instance, does your heart beat for your partner? Do you feel totally devastated when he is not around? You should know the difference between love and infatuation. Blind love is not an option and shouldn’t be part of this equation.

More often than not there comes times when we see in our paths that one person that seemingly is for us, and we put ourselves in position to allow what we see to believe without full scrutiny. In all aspects of life we are generally judged by the choices we make, and in some cases by choices we DON’T make. Discernible options that are ours places us in precarious positions when we are not equipped to be prominent in those choices, and not positioned favorably to take advantage. With this in mind, we have to live in harmony with Christ’s mandate for holy matrimony. This is part of His Divine plan for our salvation. The gist of this essay then, are lessons derived at how we should make the right decisions, live the type of life that would exemplify good works, and allow self, family and community to be part of all of the aforementioned. The lessons gives opportunities for reconciliation and a better understanding choosing partners for life! But how can we go about the business of finding the ones apropos for good lifetime relationships?

Throughout history time has shown us what happens when we don’t go beyond status quo or look deep within in lieu of opting only for surface matters to color our palette. Having the right person in your life is liken to relating to that which is a deep metaphor for your soul to reverberate and be sharing of the things that God has envision for that person to be one with you. I will refer to thematic overview for subjective interpretation as ‘soul mates’ when referring to those that should align themselves for a congruent relationship.

Our soul mates are not progenitive to just the opposite sex, but can come from all walks of life. All things are not equal in degrees of development. There’s differences in the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of how we choose our friends and  acquaintances. Sometimes these relationships can be intense depending on our souls connecting from the past without allowing it to undermine the advantages of futuristic progress as opposed to possessing a regressive mind. So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner? I’ve formulated a few tips that I find to be important to help one understand the true essence of love and help you make decisions as to choosing the right soul mate.

Common Interests — For a compatible relationship the couple should have common interests…interests that both find engaging.  There should be no inhibitions or compromises. When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person in order to live a happy life, or end up living completely separate lives. Therefore to avoid any future complications and creating egotistical  issues, it’s better to analyze your interests and desires for a perfect match.

Ambitions — Never let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t pursue goals that may be ordained from God. Healthy ambition can help any relationship prosper. I find it so necessary to preserve your individuality and make it clear that you too, have a life and ambition worth the sake of the relationship. Find out whether your partner are comfortable with dual goal-setting initiatives.  Would your partner be willing to let you have that career you have always wanted?

Intellect — This is important and should be one of the things that you look for in choosing your soul mate. Does the intellect levels match?  It is very difficult to communicate with a dull or insensitive person who may not be willing to reason. Ask these questions to yourself: when you talk to him/her, are the wave lengths the same? How long does it take for questions to be answered adequately? Can the both of you really talk about absolutely anything? This may sound crazy but imagine living your entire life with someone who doesn’t understand you and who frustrates you to no end by lack of communication?

Principles — Deep-seated morals and ethics should be inherent in forming a base for truth and spiritual resolve. If one of you are resilient in this mode without your partner sharing the same sense of being, there will be problems in your relationship. Establishment in a strong belief system is paramount to stability  and must be straightened out before plunging into marriage.

The key to a better understanding in our choices is to know beyond reproach that having the ability to discern whom shall you trust, to what degree and how to manifest ‘thus sayeth the Lord’ precepts are important.  I’ve come to believe that all of our soul mates have one thing in common — they come into our lives to teach us lessons in compassion, forgiveness and in an unconditional love of ourselves and each other. Sometimes these relationships are challenging and painful; sometimes we are victimized; and sometimes we are the very ones who are prone to show the other person how to find the path back to the Godhead.  Once we know the definitive aspects of how soul mates can be positive and progressive in our lives, we will be better off in all things spiritual!

You consider yourself a good Christian, you pay your tithes, study the word diligently, work to build up the Kingdom and talk to God daily with incessant prayer. During the course of your lifetime you will endeavor to take a trip, traveling to some predestined locale with purposeful intent. Your mind is made up and you need to get there no matter the circumstances. Despite anything that would prevent you from moving forward, you’re on a mission.

As you begin the journey you’re comfortable in your lane, not expecting the road to be arduous and full of mayhem. You’re no psychic nor a visionary, but you know that anything can happen to make a journey go awry, so you prepare for whatever may come. But do you really? The purpose of this essay is to allow better reaction to signs that tend to thwart progress, and for them to have different definitive meanings for adherence. The key is to help your navigation. Recently, a student down in the dumps because she missed being Valedictorian by a hair, thus subjecting her to Salutatorian thought it the end of her world, until she heard MY speech at her commencement exercises. In essence, this is what I shared with her:

Know that something always will be in your way to stop your progress. Carnality working in an unspiritual mind will surely cause you to be lax in your spiritual walk. Satan works hard to make sure that you do not succeed. I don’t regret the rebirth I made years ago to avoid pitfalls. At this stage of my life I’m comfortable where I am. Unlike others I see, there’s a tendency to rush along and not consort the Lord. Before you know it the ego blows up. When this happens the roadblocks proliferate, and satan rises to occasion to give you advice contrary to anything spiritual. Look at the bigger picture and purpose in your heart and mind that you will stay the course and prevail no matter what. Stick closer to God who will use His still small voice to be ever so vociferous once you embrace Him. I learned the hard way and wasn’t always compliant, but when the Holy Spirit got ahold of me the roadblocks became less problematic and the journey became much more than a common ride! You too can rise above the hurt and pain of temporary setbacks.

Imagine Paul on his journey toward Damascus. He had no idea that his roadblock was necessary for change to manifest a magnificent mantra for him to adhere to. We know the rest of the story. God changed his name, directed his path and gave him an agenda. Likewise, there’s a purposeful venue for all of us. There’s always unique stories that harkens to encounters with God where better courses are yours in remapping your best plans! There are signs in your life that should be heeded for extra-curricular benefits. What are some of those signs that you may encounter along the way? There are a few that should have your attention for your journey to be worthwhile. Take a look at a few worth mentioning:

Yield – Not onto temptation; be conscious of oncoming traffic in the wrong lanes; slow down and let the Holy Spirit prompt you when to move forward in lieu of your own understanding.

Stop — Cease and desist from participating in immoral acts; find it in your heart to obey God’s Commandments. Rededicate your life to Christ!

No U-Turns — Be sure to keep moving in the right direction. Backsliding and apostasy are not options to continue doing wrong…go straight, turn right and look up!

Men Working — Find a ministry, latch onto it and carve a niche for your quest to be accountable in helping build the Kingdom.

Slippery When Wet — Stay upright, plant your feet and stand firmly on God’s Word. The devil is a liar and seeking whom he may devour; Stand up for what you believe in.

Detour — Find another route, but stay the course to be out of the box but in His will.

Slo — You’re moving entirely too fast! Slow down, take inventory of yourself and move along moderately using discernible options to do the right thing.

No Left Turn — Always seek that which is righteous for a better lease on life; Embrace righteous pearls and spiritual gems in life for redeemed value, but wear them well!

Caution! – Look before you leap…tread lightly, choose your friends wisely, and be diligent in using the fruits of the Spirit to make your election and calling sure.

Roadblocks signify different messages to different travelers, but before you choose an easier path, consider that it might be a test of your perseverance. Don’t be so attached to your current walk if it isn’t in concert with God’s dictate for righteous living. You must be willing to obey the signs along the way to avoid the roadblocks. You want a better quality of life. It goes without saying that if you are unwilling to set them aside and stop straddling fences, your dream might not be necessarily better on the other side. Faith initiatives should be a part of your modus operandi. Persevering through roadblocks are not hard once you stop, look and listen. You must toe the line and look up every so often and know that God is in your corner and working on your behalf. Don’t worry about gaining a point — make sure that you make a point to travel the best journey with all the signs of a winner!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Avin C. Romer hails rom Miami, but the African-American Diaspora is his stage. He brings a passion for books and a lifelong enthusiasm in promoting African-American readership and the adherence to family literary. Alvin is a freelance writer, and a Research Analyst. You can find Alvin online a TheRomerReview.com and his blog, VERBATIM! He is one of the contributors in the anthology, The Soul of a Man.