The Pain I Feel Inside
by Yevette Gooden
Isn’t it amazing that with over six billion people in the world how alone we as individuals can feel? Loneliness is one of the most frustrating experiences for a single Christian. The constant change of friends getting married, moving away or expecting a child serves only to isolate us even more. This mental form of isolation is one of the shrewdest and oldest tricks from the enemy. This in it self will often thrust us from self-pity to feelings of bitterness and resentment in no time.
So what else is there when you’ve quoted the twenty-third psalms for the one-hundredth time and still feel as though nothing is working? For years I was afraid to confront this issue in my own life. I didn’t want to go home because well no one else was there. Often I would leave work and linger at a coffee house or a bookstore for hours. Only to finally return home with enough time to eat dinner and go to bed. Not wanting to be alone in my own home manifested itself in other very subtle ways as well. I wasn’t interested in completing any internal or external home improvement projects. I didn’t bother to landscape my backyard, which had remained a vacant lot. I wasn’t willing to make my house into a home, because I didn’t really want to be there. And because I had moved so far from my family members, I rarely had any visitors.
During those moments I was at home I often found myself being annoyed with everything. Especially with children in the neighborhood. I didn’t want them in my yard, playing on my walk way or even in front of my house. I also slept and ate more frequently, but nothing helped. Being a Christian who knew God’s Word left very little doubt where the solution lies. However, I was afraid to confront this one thing that frightened me. Finally, in desperation, I simply blurted out “God help me” while standing in the midst of yet another impending confrontation with the loneliness.
I sat down to read my Bible and it fell open to Isaiah chapter forty-three. My eyes landed on verse two. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” As I studied this passage I learned that in Hebrew the word for water is: Mayim. Among its various meanings the most prominent is that it can be interpreted to mean “life.” (Spirit-Filled Bible). Dare I read it as follows? “When you pass through life, I will be with you.” Emphasis mine.
As Christians we must continually remind ourselves that the Lord is with us especially in the most difficult of circumstances. As we go through life, regardless of our marital status, know that we are never alone. And that loneliness doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Yevette C. Gooden maintains the blog, In The Mean Time, which can be found at http://inthemean-time.blogspot.com/.